Mon221B

Mon, 17 Feb 2020 17:39:52 GMT

I always forget how sullen my spouse becomes whenever he is asked to do the least of things for me when I'm sick.

And when I told him I was taking prednisone, he asked, "is that the one that makes you crazy?" Boy no, it's the one that lets me KEEP BREATHING.

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Why would someone want a 'cure' (read: treatment) for autism?

Sun, 23 Jun 2019 17:52:02 GMT

( TW abuse )

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Wed, 20 Mar 2019 15:16:15 GMT

I haven't been outside of my house in more than a week. Physically, I'm feeling much better; the antibiotic my doc prescribed is one of the strongest available. It's doing its job! The fact that I still feel pretty crummy tells me that if I hadn't gotten treatment when I did, I would've been in a world of trouble.

But on the bright side, I have almost no shortness of breath now and the cough is almost gone. Hooray! And I'm thankful that my schedule worked out such that I only missed two days of work, and it was spring break so I didn't even have to do classwork. Mostly I napped and read fanfic and watched Netflix, which was pretty awesome, tbh. But I think it also kind of fed into my depression/anxiety thing where I don't /want/ to do anything or go anywhere or see anyone, so I need to make myself break out of that cycle before it becomes even harder to do so.

I just need to get back into the swing of things now. I have to do this week's classwork between now and Thursday night, and then I have to work four 12-hour shifts in a row. That'll suck, but it's doable. Getting myself started is really the only difficult thing. My lazy ass would much rather stay in this comfy chair in my sweatpants and read more fanfic.

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Stress dreams fml

Sun, 17 Mar 2019 16:25:21 GMT

I had a stress dream last night in which I was back in college in marching band and the new director had told me personally that all band members needed to have all music memorized and I would not be allowed to have a flip folder on the field. And of course, being the anxious being that I am, I was freaking out because there was no way I was going to be able to memorize all of my part by the next performance (which was THAT DAY) and that I was apparently the only person out of a band with 250 members who was having trouble being able to keep up with the rules.

...

It's been 31 years since I was in marching band, y'all.

Seriously, brain -- what the fuck?

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Mon, 11 Mar 2019 12:31:01 GMT

Hrm...is there canon or fanon for first names for the Holmes parents? I know I've seen fic that calls Mr. Holmes Sigur, and Mrs. Holmes...Violet, I think? Google is not being very useful on this.

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Tue, 05 Mar 2019 17:40:44 GMT

It's looking like I might not get to go to 221Bcon after all. I asked for PDO for the days of the con, but the new schedule came out yesterday and I'm scheduled to work that Saturday and Sunday. And the person who makes up the schedule is like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ despite that I emailed her on Feb. 3 to point out that I was putting in for PDO on those days, and then put in my request on the self-schedule itself.

So, I can theoretically go through the schedule and try to find people willing to swap days with me, but

1. Saturdays and Sundays are the hardest to try to swap off
2. It's two separate weeks because our work week begins on Sunday, so two weeks of different people I have to ask
3. I don't have everyone's phone numbers
4. It means I'll have to work three days leading up to the con, which I had planned to have off for:
a. getting that week's classwork done
b. getting ready for con
c. resting so as to have as many spoons available for con as possible
5. Asking for favors makes me very anxious
6. There's no guarantee anyone will say yes
7. I asked for the fucking PDO so I wouldn't have to do all of the above.

So, I'm just about ready to throw up ~~my hands~~ about the whole thing.

Edit: I got someone to swap shifts for me for Saturday! One more day to finagle...wish me luck, please!

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Sun, 03 Mar 2019 19:47:23 GMT

I'm definitely going to have to talk to my doc about adjusting my meds when I see her in a couple of weeks. I dread it, because changing meds is always going to be unpredictable and largely unpleasant, at least for a month or two, and it often takes quite a while to get everything right. But I can tell I'm at the point where something needs to change. Anxiety is becoming an every-day kind of thing, rather than maybe once a week. Depression is pretty much constant. Stoopid brain chemistry.

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Thu, 28 Feb 2019 20:07:49 GMT

I have to leave the house in a little while and, like, I really, really don't want to. On an intellectual level, I know it's just anxiety. But it feels overwhelming right now. I don't want people to see me. I don't want to have to act like I'm feeling just fine and dandy. But I have to go. I have to. And then I have to work Friday and Saturday, so figure 13 to 14 hours each day of having to be a normal person. What I'd really like to do is get in bed and stay there for several days. I know it sounds stupid, but I kind of wish I had the flu or something so I'd have a good reason to stay in bed for a good long time.

Ugh.

Okay, I have to get myself together now and go be a normal person.

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Mon, 18 Feb 2019 15:00:59 GMT

( Cut for references to rl violence )

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Sun, 17 Feb 2019 17:29:54 GMT

( TW for rl violence and mental health issues )

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Sat, 09 Feb 2019 17:10:11 GMT

What's up with people reading the latest installment of a nice, long fic and commenting along the lines of "oh, please don't have Sherlock top! John should be all big and growly, not Sherlock!" and "you should tag for switching if it's going to happen."

Like...who's out there so set on John topping that Sherlock topping would ruin it for them? And requesting tagging for it like it needs a trigger warning? I confess I just don't understand that. I mean, for me, part of the glory of fanfic is exploring all the possibilities. All of them. Like, I'm not necessarily going to rush over to read Molly/Mycroft zombiefic, but why in the world would I discourage someone from writing it?

You do you, fic writer. Write all the things. Fandom will be better for it.

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Fri, 08 Feb 2019 19:27:11 GMT

*Request PDO for April 5-7 (check!)
*Hotel reservation (check!)
*Purchase con registration (check!)

Holy shit, I'm going to 221b Con!

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Thu, 07 Feb 2019 16:17:47 GMT

This sinus infection is so weird. I don't really feel ill, but my head is spinny and my balance is all shot to hell, even just sitting here. And (relatedly, I suppose) my ears are ringing. My right ear sounds like a combination of TV static and electricity crackling. I really don't want to have to get antibiotics, but this shit is annoying.

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Tue, 05 Feb 2019 15:11:49 GMT

Had two mentally and physically exhausting shifts at work* and I've got a roaring sinus infection cooking up, so my plan for the day is to sit in this chair, sip hot drinks, watch more The Handmaid's Tale and Read All the Things.

*note that the patients themselves were lovely; however, the patients' family members were an absolute nightmare, the pinnacle of which was one of them calling me every 10 minutes for almost two hours to complain about, among other things, the fact that there was "no pretty picture" hanging on the wall of the patient's new room (there was) and that I still hadn't brought the patient a fresh cup of ice chips (which was delayed each and every time I had to stop and answer her phone calls.)

EDIT: I should probably say that despite how much I may complain about my job, 98.7899 percent of the time I fucking love it. I get to do new and exciting things all the freaking time; I've been a nurse for nearly three years, and there are still new things for me to do and to learn. I don't think I can explain how satisfying that is to me. I love that I make a tangible difference in my patients' lives every single day. I love that I can make them more comfortable or help them get up to their chair or fix a non-functioning IV line or administer a unit of blood or bring them medicine to ease their pain or spot a problem before it becomes life-threatening. I fucking love that shit, y'all. There are some awful days, to be sure, but it's honestly the best job I can imagine.

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Mon, 04 Feb 2019 01:16:08 GMT

I might get to go to 221Bcon! Who's going? Who's been there before? Ugh, so excited!

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Sat, 02 Feb 2019 22:09:52 GMT

Ugh, I just found out BC's Hamlet is playing nearby (at the university through which I'm getting my BSN) next Sunday, but I'll be working. If anyone needs me, I'll just be over here quietly sulking.

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Thu, 31 Jan 2019 15:15:50 GMT

Pursuant to my recent post regarding my complete inability to post a WIP because I CAN'T FRIGGING STICK WITH ONE STORY LINE LONG ENOUGH, I'm now binge-watching The Handmaid's Tale and toying with the idea of a Sherlock a/b/o set in something like the THT verse. As one does, if one is me, apparently.

And wow, this show is as good as I'd heard. I haven't read the book in probably 25 years, so a lot of what happens is at least vaguely familiar to me. I'm also remembering how much the book effected me; I was in a funk for days. And now? Wow, how much more plausible is the world of Gilead now than it was when the book first came out, y'all? It's honestly horrifying to realize that in many ways, we're closer to that dystopia today than we were a quarter-century ago.

I really think I want to write a Sherlock au in that universe. But maybe it doesn't have to be a/b/o au as well; I've been thinking about a universe in which mpreg is simply a fact. Are there fics that involve mpreg that are not omegaverse? I'm not sure I've read anything like that since the LOTR fandom's heyday, and I honestly didn't pay much attention at the time since it wasn't my thing.

Also, why do I need to spend so much time thinking about what I want to write? Why is it so hard just to write it?

And do y'all think anyone but me wants to read something like this?

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Sat, 26 Jan 2019 18:50:07 GMT

Here's why I would never be able to post a WIP fic.

I have an idea that I'm pleased with, and I'm going along writing, chuffed and frankly kind of amazed that the words are actually transferring to the doc for a change, four or five thousand words into some emotional hurt/comfort, when suddenly --

What if it's an a/b/o AU? Because then it could be emotional hurt/comfort complicated by the inherent consent issues of a/b/o and maybe a vehicle to explore gender roles. I could look at what an omega!John would look like, how he would be different from canon!John. What would his upbringing have been like? What if medical school and the military would never have been options for him? What would he have done with his intelligence and talents if they couldn't have been developed in that way? What if he was 'trained up' to believe his purpose was to raise children, make a home and support his spouse? Would he have to quash an inexplicable anger because he's never able to be what he's meant to be? Would that somehow explode, one day? And how in the world would Sherlock fit into that au? Would he be an alpha? A beta? What if they were both omegas? Could they ever work in that world?

And I'm going with that, kind of disappointed about some of the things that will have to change in my original fic but excited about the new ideas, when suddenly --

What if it's a more dystopian a/b/o AU? What if it's a sort of Handmaid's Tale crossover? Then I could examine the power dynamics of that world and --

Oh. Power dynamics. Maybe it's not a/b/o after all, but an AU where everybody is a dom or a sub, but subs are a tiny minority and the alphas of the world all want one but only the most rich and powerful can ever get one, so maybe the government decides it needs to take custody of unpaired subs 'for their own protection.' And then, of course, there's a seedy underworld black market where subs are bought and sold...

And then I'm more or less equally in love with all of these ideas and unsure of which way to go -- and will anyone want to read any of this? And does it matter if no one else but me ever reads it? And, well, yeah, it does matter, because omg I want someone to fall in love with these ideas along with me, but people who are far better writers than I am have done all of this before and far better than I can ever hope to do it. And wow, maybe all of this is way too complicated and I need to just pare things down a helluva lot and aim for something simpler that I can realistically make happen --

And that's why I can never, ever post a WIP.

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Fri, 25 Jan 2019 17:27:43 GMT

Trying to watch Brexit for the first time, but I just think so far it's assuming a baseline of understanding of the politics and political players involved that I just don't have.

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Patients say the darnedest things

Tue, 22 Jan 2019 17:32:05 GMT

Elderly patient: What do you mean, you don't have a charging cord for my 15-year-old Motorola flip phone that I can borrow? What kind of hospital is this?

Me, inside: The kind that isn't a Radio Shack.

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Sun, 13 Jan 2019 21:40:47 GMT

Holy shit I'm writing something, y'all.

Probably nothing will come of it, but! There are! Words!

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Tue, 08 Jan 2019 20:52:53 GMT

Me writing out ideas for a new fic

Me actually starting to write said fanfic

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Fri, 04 Jan 2019 20:01:42 GMT

I gotta tell ya, a cold rain is five million times worse than snow any day. I mean, cold rain is just misery in liquid form, y'all. Snow at least has the advantage of looking pretty coming down and doing that sound-cancelling thing it does. It's pretty and quiet. And you're always going to be wearing ALL the clothes when it snows, not like my doofus self who goes out in a teeshirt and thin rain jacket and freezes her ass off.

Unrelatedly, my stress test results were negative! Of course, there are still rhythm issues, but my pacemaker functioned perfectly and fixed the unhealthy rhythms and the defib never needed to fire. That's the very best news I could have gotten. :D

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Wed, 02 Jan 2019 20:01:10 GMT

So here Iam, waiting for my cardiac stress test (which was rescheduled from a couple of weeks ago) and they tell me it’s gonna be awhile because they’re having some problems in the back and I’m kinda nervous anyway, but I say okay and then I see through the office wi does that an ambulance has just arrived and I realize that the person ahead of me has collapsed during their test or had an MI or something, and now I’m really, REALLY nervous.

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Wed, 02 Jan 2019 16:52:08 GMT

Welp, I just bit the bullet and bought paid time on DW. I don't necessarily need a gazillion icon spots at this point, but I believe in supporting financially (whenever possible) the services that provide me happiness and/or peace of mind (e.g., AO3). DW, thus far, appears to be a welcoming space for me and people like me. In light of *ahem* certain other services that shall remain nameless *ahem* making it clear they don't want us, I'm grateful to have a place that does.

Please don't ever make me sorry for supporting you, DW!

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