fangirl_says | (no subject)

I have a side blog on Tumblr that I've used for non-fandom blogging; mostly mental health, coming to terms with my bisexuality, and relationship abuse issues. It's been a useful thing for me to have somewhere to record things as they happen, because my default response is that after a few days, I start to believe that I somehow caused whatever happened, or that maybe my spouse is right and I somehow imagined everything. It helps to reassure myself that I'm not simply mentally ill (in this way, anyway.) And tbh, I have absolutely no one irl that I can talk to about these things. It's a terribly lonely thing to have all of these thoughts and feelings and experiences and never be able to express them in any way. It also feeds into my own self-doubt when I have only my own thoughts on things.

At any rate, there are things I want to record for my own reference. On Tumblr, a few people followed that blog, and I think it's possible that some others might want to, if they're experiencing something similar or they're just curious or they want to understand why people sometimes stay in abusive relationships (so far...). I'd rather not post to this account, because I know it can be awkward to be presented with these things when you're minding your own business, chugging along looking for some fun/interesting convo on fandomness, maybe just wanting distraction from stress or negativity or what have you. I do get that. And I don't want to alienate people by smacking them in the face with my gaslighting/abuse experiences when they're innocently looking for fanfic recs. ;D

Is it even possible to create a secondary journal here on DW, though? I guess that's the first question I really need to ask. I need to do some more digging around and find out how that works here.

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I'm sort of leaning towards using read-more cuts, though then I'd want to be really careful that I don't mess that up and end up with content outside a cut that might be upsetting or triggering to someone, you know?

Thank you. Some days I think, 'that's it, that's the last time I'm ever going to have that happen to me; I'm going to do something about it now.' And then...well, you know.

I do know! But hiding from it never worked somehow. The isolation made me believe I was alone, when in fact as soon as my sister knew what was going on, she closed ranks with me instantly, "he can't do that to you!!" and right away I knew I could make it. It took years, but I got free. And I found out how many of my friends DID see it happening, and were eager to help me once I was ready.
You're the only one who can decide when that time is, but you can get ready for that time by breaking the silence and isolation and finding people to talk to about it, finding out what resources are available to you. Keep safe, you are not as alone as he wants you to think, and you are STRONG.