PSP is not my friend

Hey, all you graphics-talented people out there! I have tried and failed to do this myself, so now I'm begging for someone to do it for me -- I'm wanting to design some new t-shirts for the OpWin Cafepress site. I've got the front pocket graphic covered, but what I'd like to do is have some of the more fun quotes from the show on the back. Just a simple, clean design that's the right size for the back of a t-shirt, and possibly the same thing in a color that'll work on black t-shirts.

So, would anyone be able to hook me up? I'd be glad to give you a free t-shirt as a thank you once they're all finished. :D

Quotes I'm thinking of offhand (though I'd also appreciate suggestions for more):

"I hope your apple pie was freakin' worth it!"
"Driver picks the music; shotgun shuts his cakehole."
"Saving people, hunting things -- the family business."
"I lost my shoe." :(
"Hell is like...well, it's like Hell."
"I'm shocked at this unforseen turn of events."
"I have...an evil twin."
"I...shot the sheriff." "But you didn't shoot the deputy!"
"Demons I get; people are just crazy."
"He full-on ObiWan'd me."