fangirl_says | The Day Fanfic Turned Jared & Jensen Gay & Totally Ruined Their Lives Forever, [pg13], Jared/Jensen

Title: The Day Fanfic Turned Jared and Jensen Gay and Totally Ruined Their Lives Forever
Author:

hanncoll
Rating: PG13
Pairing: Jared/Jensen
Warnings: RPS, tongue firmly in cheek.
Disclaimer: Fiction. Made it all up. None of it is true. Well, except that Jared and Jensen are indeed from Texas; that part is true. Everything else is NOT REAL.
Comments: Humor. Crack. Spoof regarding wank about fanfic. It's

keepaofthecheez's fault.
Summary: Jared and Jensen find out about fanfic, and tragedy ensues.

Jared looked up from his computer. "Jensen, come here." His manly voice trembled with barely-controlled anger.

"What is it?" Jensen said, swaggering his Texas swagger as he walked over to his platonic friend.

"They're..." Jared swallowed hard, his face turning red. "They're writing things. Like, really bad things. About..." His face turned redder and Jared struggled to find his voice again.

Jensen had never seen his friend -- whom he had totally never looked at as anything more than a friend who was a guy -- so upset. "What is it?"

"They're writing things. The fans, I mean."

Jensen squinted manfully as he sat down far enough from Jared so their knees did not touch. Because he never touched Jared. Because Jared was another man, and that was just gross. "Calm down, pal. It can't be that bad. You always overreact." He started reading what was on the screen. Within a minute, he was on his feet and swaggering quickly to the bathroom to vomit.

Jared put his head in his hands and tried to get himself under control. "I tried to tell you, but it was just so bad..."

Jensen swaggered back in the room, looking green around the gills. But still very manly. "I can't believe they wrote that kind of garbage!" he shouted. "They said I touched you, and not even the very platonic way that men who are JUST FRIENDS touch. They said I touched your man-parts!" He had to swagger back to the bathroom to throw up again. When he swaggered back, he found Jared pacing the floor, also swaggering.

"Don't they know we're from Texas?" Jared yelled angrily. "Don't they know we're totally and completely straight? I want to punch them!" He shouted.

"Calm down, chum," Jensen said. "It won't do any good to punch them. There are too many of them, and not all of them live in Vancouver."

Jared sat down suddenly. "Oh God, oh God," he moaned.

"What is it?" Jensen ran over to him and put his hand on Jared's shoulder. Just to comfort his platonic friend. And even then, it was a little gross. Because he was completely straight.

"I think..." Jared shook all over. "I think reading what they wrote...oh God, I think I caught the gay!"

Jensen swaggered to the bathroom to vomit again. Jared was his best friend in the world, but if he had caught the gay, they couldn't be friends anymore. Even if he was from Texas.

When he came back into the room, Jared was standing up again. "I know what we have to do," he said.

Jensen didn't like the look on Jared's face. "What do we have to do?"

"We have to touch man-parts, Jensen. It's the only way!"

Jensen tried to swagger back to the bathroom to throw up again, but Jared grabbed his arm. "I'm gay now, and I have to have sex with you!" Jensen punched his gay friend in the nose. Even THAT was gross. Jared punched him back, and Jensen was a little disturbed to find out that he liked that part. Then Jared grabbed Jensen and pushed him against the wall, kissing him hard. On the mouth. It was gross, but Jensen liked that, too.

"Oh God," he moaned when Jared stopped kissing him. "I think they made me gay, too!" So they took off their clothes and touched each other's man-parts and had gay sex. And even though it was really, really gross, they both liked it.

Later, they put their clothes back on, because their gross man-parts were still flopping around, and it reminded them that they had caught the gay.

"They ruined our lives," Jensen said, as one manly tear slid down his face. "If only one fan had been brave enough to stand up against the fanfic, this would never have happened!"

THE END.

Updated 6/20/08: Now with Wordle!

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

ashchethem.livejournal.com

That was... what I mean is... I like the... Do you want to have totally gross and unwilling gay sex with me? Say yes and it will be fun. Say no... doesn't matter, it will happen anyway. ;]

From:

You may trod me in the very dirt, but still, like dust, I'll rise.

The Day Fanfic Turned Jared & Jensen Gay & Totally Ruined Their Lives Forever, [pg13], Jared/Jensen

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