Mon221B

Me writing out ideas for a new fic



Me actually starting to write said fanfic

So here Iam, waiting for my cardiac stress test (which was rescheduled from a couple of weeks ago) and they tell me it’s gonna be awhile because they’re having some problems in the back and I’m kinda nervous anyway, but I say okay and then I see through the office wi does that an ambulance has just arrived and I realize that the person ahead of me has collapsed during their test or had an MI or something, and now I’m really, REALLY nervous.

I have a side blog on Tumblr that I've used for non-fandom blogging; mostly mental health, coming to terms with my bisexuality, and relationship abuse issues. It's been a useful thing for me to have somewhere to record things as they happen, because my default response is that after a few days, I start to believe that I somehow caused whatever happened, or that maybe my spouse is right and I somehow imagined everything. It helps to reassure myself that I'm not simply mentally ill (in this way, anyway.) And tbh, I have absolutely no one irl that I can talk to about these things. It's a terribly lonely thing to have all of these thoughts and feelings and experiences and never be able to express them in any way. It also feeds into my own self-doubt when I have only my own thoughts on things.

At any rate, there are things I want to record for my own reference. On Tumblr, a few people followed that blog, and I think it's possible that some others might want to, if they're experiencing something similar or they're just curious or they want to understand why people sometimes stay in abusive relationships (so far...). I'd rather not post to this account, because I know it can be awkward to be presented with these things when you're minding your own business, chugging along looking for some fun/interesting convo on fandomness, maybe just wanting distraction from stress or negativity or what have you. I do get that. And I don't want to alienate people by smacking them in the face with my gaslighting/abuse experiences when they're innocently looking for fanfic recs. ;D

Is it even possible to create a secondary journal here on DW, though? I guess that's the first question I really need to ask. I need to do some more digging around and find out how that works here.

A 97-year-old patient complimented me on my dimples last night and it (of course) made me smile, which made me realize my dimples were deepening, which made me smile all the harder, etc. It was dimpleception!

Randomly, I need more icons.

Fun fact that I never thought I'd experience: sometimes, people start going bald and nobody knows why.

There's no medical reason.

There's no nutritional reason.

There's no genetic reason.

You might stop using hair dryers and flat irons and curling irons, thinking maybe you're somehow damaging it (though you did all off that plus coloring plus perming years ago and your hair was always annoyingly thick and healthy-looking. As a matter of fact, you may have had a tag on LJ called 'too much hair' that you used frequently.)

You can go to your regular doctor, who may be all, "well, sometimes our hair gets thinner as we get older."

You can go to a dermatologist who can cut out a teensy sliver of your scalp for testing, but sometimes he'll just be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ or maybe, "it could be stress" or "you could try Rogaine."

And you're still sitting here, 50 years old, trying to figure out the best way to style your hair to more effectively hide your balding areas.

I have to go for a cardiac stress test in about an hour. It's likely nothing will come of it, but I keep remembering the fact that literally no one but me thought anything was wrong with my heart before I got my original diagnosis 12 years ago. They sent me to a cardiologist to appease me; he said, 'well, I don't think anything is wrong, but we'll check,' and then -- surprise!cardiomyopathy. Then they were all, 'hmm, that's unexpected; aren't you glad we found out so now we can treat it?' And I was all, "YOU THINK???"

Ahem. Guess I'm still holding a grudge over that one.

Anyway, as I said, it's likely everything is fine. I'm on several cardiac meds, and I have the defib/pacemaker that should keep my heart from randomly just stopping. All of my other diagnostic tests have been normal or near-normal this year.

It's just -- ugh.

On the bright side, it'll be done and over soon and hopefully that will be that.

Edit: Stress test was rescheduled until after the first of the year.

So, I'm not sure what the etiquette is for posting something that someone else posted elsewhere? Please forgive me if this is wrong!

But just -- look at him.




Posted by thelostsmiles HERE

The General Idea (3022 words) by agirlsname
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Additional Tags: Ficlet, Retirementlock, Fluff, POV John Watson, Sherlock is a secret softie, What else is new, First Kiss, Proposals
Summary:

After twenty years of friendship, John is used to Sherlock acting weirdly. But the news Sherlock finally brings himself to deliver change the carefully built dynamics between them, and John realises it's time to act.

Why did nobody inform me that retirementlock could be so gorgeous!? I need more! Give me all the retirementlock! But first, go read this and join me in telling agirlsname how wonderful it is!

Grrr...in all the craziness with the snowstorm and being stuck at work, I forgot I had ordered an exams care package for my daughter. Her last exam is tomorrow and I just found out she didn't receive it yet.

*mama bear snarly*

So I've been stuck at work for the past three days due to the blizzpocalypse (or whatever we're calling it this time.) No internet for three days -- can't recommend it. Plus, I can still hear beeping IV pumps and bed alarms and tele monitors...ugh.

Luckily, I had The Grating Roar by Engazed (if you aren't reading it...WHY???? Read it, my friends. Trust me on this) on my kindle, so I was able to read that a bit before I succumbed to exhaustion at night.

Did I miss anything?

ETA: Did Tumblr implode yet? I'm almost afraid to look.